there is a granola thief out there

so apparently there is this serious problem in our studio on campus. there is a thief running rampant, the granola thief as we say. the thing that amazes me is that the studio is a fairly open space, other then the few hidden corners created by the "cubicles".....so i dont see how this granola thief has not been caught by someone. there has been bait left out to make sure this wasnt just a one/two time happening. so thanks to a friend of mine, suzanne, below is a list of what has been stolen.

9 packets of bare naked organic granola
granola bars
peanut butter crackers
2 packets of cheese on wheat
a package of fig newtons
multiple bottles of pepsi, both unopened and open
protein bars
chocolate out of a gift box
a chinese take-out container filled with snack goodies
a partial package of chips a'hoy cookies
a bag of pitas
one leftover soft taco from el carreton

this is not right people, not right at all. does it have to come down to locking up our food instead of the valuable items we have for "creating"? you would think the cd players or things of that nature would get taken, but apparently there is someone out there with access to the building that is either really hungry all the time, or they really need food that they cant get themselves.
so this is to the granola thief, wherever you are: please stop taking our food and for the love of god, confess!!!

excited was the feeling

this semester has shown me a lot of things and how i want to be in my life.....i think i like this photography class i am taking and i really want to keep that in my life. i like being able to capture something for me to enjoy for all of my life. i like hanging onto things and this plays very well into that. i like images that show my emotion at the time i am making it. i like to look at these photos later and remember what i was doing and what i was feeling. its not even about showing my work to other people, its more about showing myself what my life is like.
i have now pictured my future life with photography playing a big part in it. i feel this is one thing i can do to help me through life and, for lack of better words, keep me sane.

now as for the picture i have shown you, i am not that interested in taking pictures of people, but i still feel this one was successful enough for me to enjoy. particularly the composition and focus.

no creativity = no design

well, its another day of this final semester, and i am of course in the studio spending my sunday trying to be a brilliant designer. i am failing miserably. i just cant get into the groove of designing right now and its getting closer and closer to the due date - which means i am getting more scared by the day. i might have made a break through with my work, but i am not sure and my brain is a little fried at the moment to continue - my brain has been in this stage for a while i am sad to say and i have tried everything to get it out, help me!!! we have these speaker series here in the IAR department and the first speaker was a professor here on campus. he said that "creative thinking doesnt happen all the time." effort is put forth behind the creative process and no one ever sees that except for the unfortunate person doing the creative thing. its hard to get that inspiration to get going on a design and i will say that this semester had been the hardest one yet. i have all these ideas i just cant seem to get down on paper in any way. and the one thing i do have on paper i am trying not to get stuck on since it is just a starting off point.
other then the lack of creativity for the day, i did get some film developed. i have not scanned in the work yet but i will be sure to post a few things once i get it into digital form. so for now you can enjoy a photo i took a little while ago.

swim on

sometimes i wish i could just do my own work and not have to please my professors. isnt that what being in college is about: becoming the next person to do the job in a new a different way. so why is it that while working on my own thesis, which is even more of an individual project, i am told what i should be doing from my professor? i know its good to get feedback about a project, but when that feedback takes control over a project that you are creating and completing, there is going to be a time when you have to ask yourself - do i take back my project or do i do what my professor wants so i can get the grade? now i know the ideal thing is to take back the project and be satisfied with yourself knowing its all yours again, but for me, it might cost graduation.

sadly this feeling has taken over my life. it applies to much more then just my design work. every night i lay awake contemplating whether i should take back control over my life and leave some things behind, or just keep moving forward and know that i will deal with this for the rest of my life? the only thing i can conclude from all this, unfortunately, is a mix of the two: take back control and know i will live with it for the rest of my life. the only real taking back i will do though is making sure i dont let it take over my life, just dont think about it - as though my heart was never shattered and it never meant anything. i just have to learn how to turn off the feelings and live cold and numb.

that doesnt sound too fun does it? maybe one day it will just be ok, and i can smile because i wont be alone anymore and everyone will like what i design, not to mention i will like it. that would be perfect, wouldnt it. well, as one of the best fish ever would say, "just keep swimming."

kiss and make it better

i just got back to school from my last fall break. i was putting my window fan back in the window and i got my finger caught between the bottom and top window sections. it now hurts very badly and all i can think about is how much i want to have someone make it better. and for those of you that know me, you know the person who i want to do that. i dont think i will ever get over losing the one person i thought my life would be complete with, but it happened, and here i am dealing with it the best i can. i am not sure how long it will take to be able to understand that my life as changed and i am not in control of that, but maybe one day i will wake up, look in the mirror and smile because i know that i can make it. maybe i will find that way to look at my life and just know its who i am because of all that has happened.

living forward

since i am home, i went to the mall today with a very cool, and might i say wonderfully funny, friend. we shopped had good coffee and fun times just talking about the random (of course). i got a new mouse for my powerbook.....which so far, the mighty mouse kicks serious ass. i got to eat some good dinner, which was very nice, and got to watch great shows, aka: futurama and looney tunes. to top off the night i went for some dunkin and apple pie (yes thats a weird combo, but if you know me, thats how i am) with my "lil' bro" al and hung out in the kitchen with the parents, sis, sis's bf, "lil' bro", and the best friend steph. that concludes my stay here in NJ, short but wonderful none the less. and just as a side note, i did get to hang out with steph friday and saturday as well as with a few great old and new friends......with some drinks on the side;). this all made the trip up here for my break from college really worth it.
i would just like to say that no matter what happens in my life and where i am, i know that its times like these that make home....home. its always fun, always relaxing(at least compaired to the crazy college life) and its always been my favorite time of the year since college began.

so to tell another great thing that happened to me, lets just start off saying that i love my parents. today is monday, and last night i asked them to be sure that i was awake at 8a so that we would leave in time for some suprize they had for me that would take most of the day. they proceeded to tell me that i can go ahead and make other plans b/c it would really take all day. this is when they decieded to just tell me that they were planning on taking me car shopping. here is where i must have completely lost my mind. i should have been smiling and happy right, seeing as they are going to buy me a car, but instead they began talking about what they were going to pay and so that i have a limit and dont spend all their money (they did pay for my college education too) and we talked about what i would like in a car, blah blah blah. well, the whole time i was being such a bitch about it, not smiling, trying to get my word in and all, which i can never say the right thing for some reason - it always comes across wrong and i dont know what to do. anyway...this is why i am upset with myself right now...i should have been happy and excited and for some reason i am not. i need to fix this and make myself appreciate what they are doing for me in some other way then what i did. so with that i have decided to write them a little letter and leave it for them to read after i leave to return to school tomorrow. i want them to know how much i appreciate this and all that they have done....so i think i nice letter will be perfect.
so with that i will go to bed so i can get rest for my 9 hour trip back to school and leave you with a little quote that i just like at this point in time.

"life is best understood backwards, but must be lived forward."

i made it

well, i made it home for fall break without any problems. it was raining the entire NC to NJ trip, but its not like that hasnt happened before. its very fall like up here and that makes me happy, plus i get to see my best friends and take some fun photos.

i have posted a photo that i took this year in my photography class and have decided that i will post one whenever i get the chance so you can all enjoy the stuff i call my own. enjoy!!!

memories

i was just reminded tonight of something i had almost forgoten, or at least hadnt thought of for a while: happiness is what matters. a lot of people forget this. i get so worked up over what i am doing with my life and what is to come and what has passed that i sometimes forget about the present and how wonderful each moment can be. i like to think that i notice little things and that each one reminds me of something or just has that effect on me to make me smile, even for a minute.

as soon as i was reminded of this i thought of the few minutes i was walking back to my room by myself tonight after dinner. it was about a 5 minute walk alone, but the way i was walking was uncharachteristically cheerful. i had a small smile on my face and was kinda bouncing along as i walked home.....smiling at the people passing me, and not looking at the ground. i usually do this just so i dont have to look at people in the eye. its hard for me to do that as i walk through campus. but tonight was a good night. maybe this will be something i can keep up for a little while?

first post

well this is my first post. i guess i should tell you why i am doing this. i want to show some of my work here and there and maybe just write a little about the things that pop into my head. enjoy it if you would like, i tend to be a bit random at times so if you can follow, you are a lucky one.